Editor-in-chief Zack Long here. I first met Spencer in my short stint in the film program here. Spencer stood out and, as is clear through the article, can’t help but stand out because of his disability. You stick out when you’re the only person in the program with a wheelchair. But to talk to Spencer for two minutes is to meet a person that is as deep, funny and knowledge as any you are likely to meet. He can’t help but stick out because of his disability, something, which he speaks more on, that he has had to learn to accept. But the truth is that with the mind and soul he wields, Spencer would stick out regardless.
It’s a great pleasure to be able to give a platform for this article. There’s a link at the bottom to a Q&A that Spencer is holding to continue the conversation begun below.
Over the years there have been many quotes and lessons that have helped to define who I am both personally and professionally. The quote from Trevor Noah saying “If You’re Not Careful, You’ll Become the Hate that You’re Protesting Against” is one of my favourite quotes of all time because it shows the importance of being the bigger person and fighting against injustice to create change versus fighting to simply win. “Think Like A Millionaire, Hustle Like You’re Broke” from Mark Cuban is another great quote because it shows how it’s okay to think big and dream big, but also that you have to be willing to work towards those dreams in life in order for them to come true. “Not Everything is Black and White” shows the importance of nuance and it is one of the most important lessons I’ve ever been taught thanks to one of my closest friends in life named Isaac. Without even realizing it, Isaac has helped in being the most impactful person in my life by defining who I am as a person and who I am as a filmmaker.
Nuance is the complexity and subtle variations to different expressions and situations which thus means things can be and often should be judged on a case by case basis. In other words, there are two sides to every story. Nuance is becoming rare and nowadays it has become commonplace to use blanket statements to generalize groups of people. Blanket statements are often created from biases, misinterpretations or misinformation, and that’s not necessarily the fault of those making the statements because often times they can be entirely unaware of what they’re doing. For years I personally was affected by blanket statements and a lack of nuance.
A lot of people may say that words don’t matter, such as the classic saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, but I actually don’t think that’s true. Growing up I had friends that warned me that people would see me, and treat me, differently because of my disability and they were not wrong. There are some people who will see me differently because of the wheelchair, but some does not equal all and it took me awhile to understand that. My friends were one hundred percent right to warn me of the way I’d sometimes be viewed, but the word choice they used was dangerous because the warning was generalized as a blanket statement without the proper context. As you can likely imagine, there is a big difference between believing there are some people that would see me, and treat me, differently because of my disability versus believing that all people would see me, and treat me, differently because of my disability.
The most dangerous blanket statements are the ones that have a slight hint of truth to them and those can often lead to confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is when people seek out and only focus on the information that confirms their beliefs. For example, during the time in which my friends were warning me that people would see me, and treat me, differently because of my disability, there was an experience that proved them right. When I was a kid, I had developed a crush on this girl from my class who had eventually moved away. In the eighth grade, thanks to Facebook, I was able to reconnect with this girl.
Unfortunately I had a friend that did not necessarily feel the same way about her as I did. One day while the two of us were on my account we saw a status of hers and my friend decided it would be funny to make a joke about what he felt was a lack of her intelligence, but he did this on my account. The next morning I woke up to a barrage of comments directed at me including “uhm, excuse me? what the fuck, do I even know you? You can go fuck yourself asshole!”, and, worst of all, “at least I’m not the mentally retarded one in a wheelchair now am I?”. Clearly, that is a terrible thing that happened, but in my friend’s defence, he did try to defend me privately without my knowledge and tried to delete the comments before I could see them (if Facebook didn’t send emails, then it would have worked). Now there were a lot of people that came out in support of me that day (specifically a guy named Danté Winter, who has forever earned my highest respect for the way in which he chose to handle the situation), and to be fair to her, she was a thirteen year old girl operating under the belief that I had insulted her publicly and operated without the awareness that her comments were an inappropriate way to handle that situation.
If she had responded with critical nuance, she would have seen that the comment was inconsistent with all of my previous behaviours and that there was more to the story. Had I have operated with nuance, I wouldn’t have internalized those comments in the way that I did and I wouldn’t have seen those comments as validating my other friend’s comments about being seen and treated differently because of the disability. Instead, I didn’t operate with nuance and I allowed it to consume me. It affected my relationships with family, friends and led me to crave validation for years as if to discredit the other comments that were said. That incident is single handily the most defining moment of my life and I have never really talked about that in-depth with anyone.
Now that I’ve understood the importance of nuance, I have gotten better. But there are still parts of my life that it affects. For example, after the incident, I created two different Facebook accounts, one for family and one for friends, so that neither friends nor family could embarrass me in front of the opposite group and so that I could control what each person saw from my life. I also have a variety of small friend groups that rarely mix which allows me to feel comfortable knowing they only know things about me that I’m comfortable with them knowing about me. To this day, I still face an incredible amount of anxiety around women within my age range out of fear of being judged, looked down on and rejected because of this situation and others like it. Don’t get me wrong, this is not an attack on women because there are just as many guys that would judge a girl like me.
The truth is that the kind of stigma and stereotypes that I faced growing up can come from anyone whether they be male, female or unidentified. A lot of people may blame others for their short comings and that is an easy thing to do. But if we are going to create an equal playing field for everyone in society, then we’re going to have to stop labeling people and blaming people so that we can start looking at how we contributed to situations, as well as how we can work to make things better. The biggest challenges I’ve faced as a person with a disability is overcoming stigma. Sure, public accessibility is an issue, and it is something that is thankfully being improved upon as each year happens, but public accessibility seems to happen generally because people with disabilities were just not considered at the time of constructing certain buildings because there was a lack of exposure and discussion which thus contributed to the stigma. By increasing accessibility, there can be an increase in exposure and discussions which both helps in fighting stigma and thus demonstrates that everything is connected and that often times there isn’t just one problem that contributes to an issue.
By now you may be wondering why I’m discussing all of this in an editorial on a film website, which is a legitimately valid question. To answer I would say that, in part, it’s always good to take an opportunity to have these discussions whenever an appropriate opportunity presents itself. But I would also say that everything discussed actually does have to do with filmmaking. For example, the importance of word choice because, as mentioned before, there is a big difference between believing there are some people that would see me, and treat me, differently because of my disability versus believing that all people would see me, and treat me, differently because of my disability. The moment that a person can fully understand the importance of word choice is the moment that they become a greater writer. By understanding the power of word choice that writer can then use words as a tool to shape exactly how they want the audience to interpret the story they’re telling.
There’s also the importance of nuance in film and one of my favourite examples of nuance in film is Captain America: Civil War (2016). I love that some people can reach the end of the film and agree with Tony Stark while others can reach the end of the film and agree with Steve Rodgers. I love that there can be a discussion about the film afterwards and that it shows that while you can agree with someone’s views and opinions, you can also disagree with the way in which that person chooses to act on those views and opinions. I love that one can enter one scene agreeing with Tony Stark and end that same scene agreeing with Steve Rodgers. The film shows that there doesn’t always have to be an extreme solution to a problem and that sometimes, both compromises and careful evaluation of each situation, can be the best solution.
Once a filmmaker can understand the importance of nuance in film, they can work to create complex flawed characters. Nuance can also help filmmakers construct complex and interesting stories that don’t always end with a right or wrong answer. If a filmmaker is trying to make a political statement or societal statement, then nuance can help present both sides to an issue and deconstruct the issue. This allows the audience to intellectually understand why that filmmaker has chosen their particular position. There may be many themes in my films, but fundamentally the quote “Not Everything is Black and White,” helps to define every single film I’ve done.
Let’s start by dissecting Tutor For Hire, which shows that while some romantic interests may not see past the disability, there are also some romantic interests who will be able to see past the disability, and the importance of knowing that some does not represent all. Same Nightmare helps to show that, while there are some people who may not see past the disability and some people that may not see a disabled person at all, there are also some people who won’t care about the disability at all. Same Nightmare also shows that while high school can sometimes be a nightmare, there can still be positive parts of the experience and that, despite our differences, we all generally share similar experiences while growing up. Jeff Paul: Therapy for Me shows that as much as it’s important to highlight the exciting moments in a career, it’s also important to highlight the struggles, as well as the work that it takes to be in that career, and how a career may not be the right fit for every type of person. For many films (including mine), that nuance comes with ambiguity and allows the audience to draw their own conclusions about the film they just saw.
If you’re not a filmmaker, don’t worry because nuance can and should be applied to everyone. For example, nuance can apply to myself and my disability. A lot of people may look at me and pity me or feel as though they couldn’t possibly relate to what I’ve been through and they wouldn’t be entirely wrong about that. The main goal of most stand-up comedians and filmmakers is to tell stories with which the audience they are speaking to can relate (not always the case, but most times). To tell the truth, a lot of the experiences I’ve had in life, don’t really relate to a lot of a people (at least some of the bigger experiences), but that’s not to say those experiences are bad experiences.
It’s true that I’ve died and been resuscitated, it’s true that I’ve been stigmatized, it’s true that I’ve been excluded and it’s true that I’ve been underestimated, but it’s also true that I spent my life having the incredible opportunity appearing annually on a children’s hospital telethon to open up about my health and disability to encourage people to help the hospital that helped me, it’s also true that I’ve gone to New York over twelve times (where I met people such as Daniel Radcliff, Bradley Cooper and Bryan Cranston), it’s also true that I became a multi-award-winning filmmaker and met some of the most influential people working in comedy today at the Montreal “Just for Laughs” festival festival while performing as a comedian. At the end of the day, the positives and the negatives of a life with a disability can often balance out if someone works hard to allow them too. Just as I will have obstacles in life that many others won’t, I will also have opportunities that many others won’t and if I’m going to be willing to accept the opportunities in life then I must also be willing to accept the obstacles because otherwise I’d be a hypocrite. We live in a world with haters and trolls, and one day in my career those people may say that I am successful because of my disability and they won’t be entirely wrong when they say that.
I will be successful because of my disability, but not because I used it as crutch, but because I learned how to take my biggest weakness and turn it into my biggest strength.
I have experiences that most people don’t have, I have insight into things that most people don’t and I can tell stories that most people can’t. I plan to bring all that into my filmmaking to create complex characters and engaging stories while bringing all that into my comedy to comment on society and the unique life I’ve lived. Some people have called me a hero and an inspiration, but my disability and my outlook on life isn’t what makes me a hero or an inspiration. Just because I learned how to turn my biggest weakness into my biggest strength, and you haven’t, doesn’t mean I’m a hero, or an inspiration, because you can do that as well. Everyone can do what I did whether they’re a filmmaker or not and they can do it through nuance, eliminating confirmation bias and through learning just as I did from Isaac, that “Not Everything is Black and White.”
Spencer invites readers to continue the conversation in this Q&A
