5 Dos and Don’ts You Want From a Writing Support Group

I spoke before about how writing fiction can be a lonely task – how sometimes it is necessarily lonely in order to protect the idea you are shaping into a story. But that’s not to say that you should venture into that lonely unknown without a good writer support system (or team of cheerleaders) on your side. Today let’s talk about 5 things you DO want from a good writer support system and 5 things you definitely DON’T.

1

DO seek out writers. Your support team doesn’t need to be made up entirely of writers or other creatives, but it does help to befriend fellow writers, especially those who’ve written similar things. They’ve been there, they know the challenges you face, and they might even have a secret or two that could help you along. Years ago, the task of getting to know other writers might’ve meant joining a local writer’s group or getting in touch via the postal mail system. No longer. Twitter is positively flooded with interesting writers and most are pretty approachable (I’m @OhHellKell on Twitter!). Writers, generally, are a friendly bunch. There’s enough room for all of us, so there isn’t the same competition to succeed that you might find in other fields.

That being said, some writers are in fact assholes. DON’T be an asshole. Don’t befriend assholes either. Asshole writers will tell you that there’s only one way to write a thing. They’ll also belittle your accomplishments because those accomplishments aren’t theirs. They’ll probably fight with reviewers, too, which is a big no-no. The writer world is a small one and word gets around. Don’t be an asshole or you’ll get added to the list.

2

DO listen to friends who have critical responses to your work. It’s important to have people who love your work, but if you only listen to the love you’re going to be in for a shock when your work is released to the world. Part of making it as a writer is developing a thick skin. Critiques of your work are not inherently bad and shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand. If your Mom says your book’s big plot twist is clever, thank your Mom, she’s a very sweet lady, but also maybe ask other people, too.  If your thriller writer friend says the big plot twist is silly, maybe listen to why she thinks that way. And, in the end, trust your own judgment, because the writing has your name on it in the end.

DON’T listen to people who just want to hate on your work because it’s fun for them. Goodreads is an enjoyable place for readers and writers to socialize but there exists a bullying nature to some of the reviewers there and they are rewarded with lots of Likes, Follows, and Shares. It’s unfortunate. Unless you’re 100% in control of your emotions, I would advise that you don’t engage with your harshest critics. Even if you’re cool as ice, I’m still not sure I’d advise it. But even more than that, just don’t take it too personally. I won’t say that it is easy to write a solid book review (it’s not) but it is easy to write a review with the express purpose of pissing someone off. If that’s what’s at play here, whether in the form of a review, a social media post, or an in-person discussion, do your best to recognize it for what it is and let it slide. Take criticism seriously only once you consider the source.

3

DO recognize when some of your writing support group just isn’t that into reading your work. They’re rooting for you, they’re on your side, but they got their own shit to do. And maybe they’re just not that into your new book. That’s okay. Our time on this planet is finite and we can’t read everything. You will have to make tough calls that will disappoint others as well. Don’t push it when trying to get a friend to read your work. Try once, try twice, and then maybe try somewhere else. You can only poke a person with a stick so many times before they break the stick and throw it at you. Maybe they’ll come around. Maybe the next story will be more to their liking. You want them to still be on your team for that hopeful eventuality, so don’t scare ‘em off by being pushy if you can help it.

DON’T fill your stables with only the non-reader variety. If friends 1 and 2 aren’t into your new book, that’s cool. But if that continues to be the case book after book and they’re the only people you’re trying to woo with your writing, then there’s a problem. A writer needs readers. They need not be constant readers who always read whatever you write and give the most detailed feedback ever (though that’d be nice), but they do need to read. Your writing support group needs to have at least one or two people who are going to read your work before it’s 100% ready for the world. If your squad is missing a reader, then you need to scout for a new one to rope into your circle. Eventually you’ll maybe find beta readers and editors to tell you if stuff is good or not, but until that time you must rely on trusted friends and allies.

4

DO get to know who writes in your genre.  Chances are if you love horror (for example), you probably know the names of some horror writers. A few of those are going to be too big time to notice you, but there’s always others who are waiting at the door ready to greet newcomers to the genre (like our editor and chief, Zack Long, on Twitter at @LightIsFading). Don’t discriminate against those who are even lower on the ladder than you are either. These fellow genre writers know the world you seek to travel in and can offer you advice on story, publication, and other general recommendations. And should you add one of these fellow genre writers to your support team, they will have the knowledge to best assist you in your new work and will operate off a common vocabulary. As much as anyone is allowed to be considered an ‘expert’ in the creative writing field, these people will be your ‘expert’ opinions when it comes to genre feedback.

DON’T limit your writing support group solely to writers from your genre. A comedy screenwriter, a romance novelist, and a short story horror writer can all provide useful insight to each other’s projects that someone from within their particular genre might not. It’s important to think outside the box and who better to help you do that than a writer who lives in a different box? Writers can be specialists in their particular fields but all writers should be able to assist in your craft. Each writer’s voice has value, whether we’re from the same nation, religion, gender, or genre.

5

DO understand that not all relationships within writer support groups last forever and the time may come to cut ties. Maybe a friendship has soured, maybe you’ve caught on that it’s a one-sided arrangement with another writer, or maybe there’s too much negativity in the feedback you’re getting, it’s up to you to decide when things have grown too toxic to continue as is. It is possible (in some cases but by no means all) to remain friends with someone who used to be a trusted reader or creative collaborator, even after you’ve cut them from your team. That is up to you guys. It’s like a relationship. If you’re not getting what you need out of it – or worse, you’re only getting the bad shit – then it’s time to make a tough decision and step away or, at the very least, change the dynamic in some way.

DON’T cut ties because of a simple misunderstanding or one argument. Or because one of you didn’t like the other’s newest writing and somebody didn’t take it well. You want, nay, you need honesty from your supporters and friends. If they’re not honest about what they think, then what’s the point and why are they on the team? You want to get better at this thing, right? When art and honesty mix, there are going to be disagreements and misunderstandings. Take it in stride. Work it out. Don’t throw a writing friendship away over something like a misunderstanding.

———-

Writing is lonely but you still need friends in your corner. These five dos and don’ts are shared for your consideration in what to look for when building up your list of allies. If you have any thoughts of your own, feel free to share them in the comments section.